Crystal year
It’s a fairy tale. Rather I’d differ to say that it almost ended a year back. But the strings are attached. The nerves are tangled tight and tied that we couldn't untangle and let go of each other.
Just like every love story way back ….well almost at the end of our teenage years, we saw each other in college and the usual gazings that became noticeable smile sharings that led to the missing moments during holidays. It just struck me one day out of the blue -This isn’t ending here..But days, months, and years passed. It was that Monday outing that brought us down on our knees. Unable to handle the hormones we plunged and the real ride began just after the college days. We earned a bachelor's degree, got ourselves a decent job to win our bread.
After a couple of years of heated exchanges with parents and walking out of the house to come back to say sorry, we won the fight with our parents to tie the know in 2005. The tussle of 2 years so easily described in a line, wasn't rather easy to go through. After a grand wedding, we started our lives in a with zero $ but rich in happiness in Plano when the baby dust blew in and our first daughter joined us within a year. The next 6 years went off with baby care and we decided to move to India for good in 2011. Theses six years in Plano were the best and worst days when I learnt to drive a car, had the worst fights, best parties and travelled like maniacs. Those long drives are the ones I still cherish close to my heart. Moving back to India Our little bundle of joy Sahithi joined us in 2011. A big change and challenging years were those until I started working along with the little one in preschool. Things seemed to settle, but pop up every now and then. We moved into our new flat after 13 years at last with our children. This is when the fun began.
Very casual summer vacation at my native turned things upside down. My past life that wasn't a fairy tale melted right away as I found out the unknown. Shattered but I had to remain calm. I had no other choice. I was left clueless in the middle of the unknown pages of my so-called better half or so did I think. I angered, screamed, let it all out, but somehow did not cry. I did not know why I couldn't cry. I sought help to pull myself up while I took over a full-time job and managed to give my exams. I wouldn’t fall like a failure. This is what I said to myself every day. I learned to love myself a little every day for the sake of my dear children. I would want them to see me as a bold lady and not the meager woman who cries to get things done. I remain so and want my children to grow up like me. I would be there for me like how my parents stood with me. I learnt to forgive. I learnt to accept things as such. I learnt to be mindful.
I learnt to let go of the past. literally I had to let it go to move and look ahead. there was no turning back. There was no love story. One day I realised that I’m sufficient enough to keep myself happy. I consciously chose to stay like this. This is peace. I embraced the change in acceptance. It was terrible in the beginning, but letting go is the way to go. Doing the next right thing when things go wrong is the way to go. There is no map as such for our lives. I keep going. 15 years gone. But now I know one day at a time is the way to go.
